Book Review: All Fall Down by Ally Carter

all fall downBook Review: All Fall Down (Embassy Row #1) by Ally Carter
Release Date: 1/20/15
Publisher: Scholastic
Source: Purchased
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Grace Blakely is absolutely certain of three things:

1. She is not crazy.
2. Her mother was murdered.
3. Someday she is going to find the killer and make him pay.

As certain as Grace is about these facts, nobody else believes her — so there’s no one she can completely trust. Not her grandfather, a powerful ambassador. Not her new friends, who all live on Embassy Row. Not Alexei, the Russian boy next door, who is keeping his eye on Grace for reasons she neither likes nor understands.

Everybody wants Grace to put on a pretty dress and a pretty smile, blocking out all her unpretty thoughts. But they can’t control Grace — no more than Grace can control what she knows or what she needs to do. Her past has come back to hunt her . . . and if she doesn’t stop it, Grace isn’t the only one who will get hurt. Because on Embassy Row, the countries of the world stand like dominoes, and one wrong move can make them all fall down

Review:
There are many authors that I love. But I often find that they fall into two far-spanning categories. Authors that I am sometimes afraid to pick up the next book. Because what if it’s not as good as the last one I read? But then there’s the other category: authors that I trust implicitly to craft a great story.

And with each new book I read from her, Ally Carter proves why I think of her in the latter category.

Because here are the things I know that I can rely on her for:

  • Smart, adventurous, but dimensional female leads
  • AMAZING dialogue
  • Never pulling her punches
    • Related: HOLY SHIZ, the twist we learn about at the end of All Fall Down
  • A fantastically sculpted cast of supporting characters

These are some of the reasons I loved the Gallagher Girls series. They’re some of the reasons I love the Heist Society books.

And now, they’re some of the reasons that I love the Embassy Row books.

But All Fall Down has another element to it that appealed to me particularly. I’m a girl who binge-watched several seasons of The West Wing on Netflix. I’m a girl who laments what Scandal has become, but still watches it.

I’m talking about political drama, yo.

Admittedly, the mystery of Grace’s mothers death in All Fall Down takes center stage here, but there are most definitely still political tensions mentioned and underlying the motivations behind some characters. I loved how Ally Carter develops Grace as a narrator in All Fall Down, especially where it concerns her mother’s death. Grace wants very badly to be strong, but the fact is that sometimes the past just overwhelms her. Finally, what’s revealed has me all:

sebastian jaw drop

Imagine Ally Carter as the Scuttle to my Sebastian.

Neither spies, nor thieves would keep me from Carter’s books.

I’ll enjoy my stay on Embassy Row.

 

Jarvis, International Butler of Mystery (Agent Carter recap 1×03: “Time and Tide”)

agentcarter

You know how when a new TV show premieres and you’re like “AHHH the pilot episode was amazing!” and like of course it’s gonna be amazing and eye-catching and include a bunch of stuff to reel you in because it’s the first episode and it needs a hook–yeah, that’s common for television, right? But then comes those follow-up episodes. The real test. Tonight (or last night, depending on when I get around to posting this), Agent Carter’s third episode aired and let me just say 1) THANK GOODNESS IT IS STILL AMAZING, and 2) DUH OF COURSE IT’S STILL AMAZING.

1×03: Time and Tide

Peggy Carter continues to be the best double agent EVER. Although this show is subbing in for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. on Tuesday nights, it’s actually nothing like it which is freaking great. Not to say I don’t enjoy AoS, but you know. Anyway, the episode opens up with a Peggy monologue/intro into what her life has become following last week’s first two episodes. I feel like that sorta thing is something that happens mostly on TV shows for kids or most specifically Amy or Clara’s opening monologues on Doctor Who, but it worked REALLY well. It almost gives the series this ~archival~ feel which makes mucho sense since there’s that one episode of AoS when Simmons finds archived files on Peggy’s past missions and such. (Oh, and hey, Simmons is a fan of Doctor Who AND she admires Peggy. Everything is connected~)

This week, Peggy’s all settled into her new digs at the super strict women’s res. The opposite, however, can be said for Molly, the girl who lives one room over. Forbidden after-hours fraternization leads to Molly’s eviction which in turn allows Dotty to move in. Yeah… this girl has either got to be a spy or working for the enemy or SOMETHING. Still holding out for Angie to team up with–or duel against?!–Peggy, though.

As Peggy starts to make new friends, she’s also getting a little more comfortable with Jarvis, showing up at his little cottage, ready to get to work. The SSG also show up and take Jarvis in for questioning after finding the bumper of one of Stark’s cars at the scene of the implosion crime. Agent Chad Michael Murray comes super close to getting Jarvis to spill some info about Stark by threatening deportation, but Peggy is able to step in and save the day. Of course, the only credit she receives for her quick-thinking comes from Jarvis. In the eyes of the SSG, she’s still just a woman who doesn’t know what she’s doing. Little do they know…

Anyway, here is a list of what we’ve learned about Jarvis this week because of course this is important information:

• Jarvis used to be a soldier
• He met his wife, Anna, overseas
• Anna is Jewish and he smuggled her to safety by forging his general’s signature
• He was caught and charged for treason
• Howard Stark saved him from execution

Aside from the fact that I’m super sad over what Jarvis and Anna had to endure, this is the beginning of a beautiful Stark/Jarvis bromance back story that I hope will continue to unravel as the series continues. Because seriously, it’s JARVIS. Like let’s take a moment and not make any references to the comics: Iron Man’s computer buddy is named Jarvis and pretty much his futuristic butler. Soooo did Howard design the tech that his son will use in the future and name it after his bff? Is it actually some form of Jarvis just like how the Dr. Zola dude from the first Captain America movie showed up sixty years in the future but IN THE FORM OF A CREEPY COMPUTER? Did Tony Stark come up with the tech and name it after the butler who raised him in the stead of his own father?! These are v. pressing questions.

Thankfully while we wait for answers, whether they will come or not, we continue to get Peggy and Jarvis partnering up and kicking some butt. So they’re finally able to track down where all of Stark’s stolen goods are. On a boat, just idling. We still don’t know who stole the stuff or who broke into his mansion, but we do know that someone is watching …well, everyone. And that someone isn’t afraid to kill in order to keep things hush hush. With that said, RIP Agent Krzeminski. Like Peggy said, you were a total douche (I’m summarizing, clearly), but you didn’t deserve to die.

I’m so freaking glad that Agent Carter continues to be an entertaining delight. Although the show did have its sad moments, they were nicely paired with Peggy’s continued badassery, Jarvis’ sassiness, and the intrigue of supporting characters such as Angie and Agent Sousa (dude, are you soft on Peggy?). Oh oh oh, also I must now note THE MUSIC. Love love loving the music. It sets the tone and atmosphere so wonderfully. Show, why are you so good?

Because the universe is cruel, there is no episode next week. See you in two weeks, Peggy (and Jarvis)!

Fancy Footwork (The Mindy Project recap 3×12: “Stanford”)

the mindy project

The Mindy Project is BACK from it’s winter break! And I say Winter Break instead of hiatus because… Mindy’s going to Stanford!

Having been admitted to the fancy fellowship she wanted, she’ll be spending a year at Stanford. Like the devoted boyfriend he is, Danny has escorted her there. He’s packed her Traveller’s Checks, a “money belt,” and Brown Bear. He’s really determined to be supportive of her, and when he finds out the fellowship director is a doctor he went to med school with, offers to introduce her. But no, Mindy wants to do this on her own.

Two things:

  1. I see your fanny pack for what it is there, Danny Boy.
  2. D’awwww.

Mindy is pretty pumped, so naturally, given it’s MINDY, people are immediately alienated by her. First is Neepa, a woman who greets Mindy speaking an Indian language. After clarifying that she doesn’t speak any Indian languages, Mindy cheerfully tells this woman whose husband has had to stay in another country that she is leaving behind a boyfriend who is going to visit a lot.

Neepa awkwardly agrees: “We’re in the same boat.”

Alienation dos! THE ENTIRE FELLOWSHIP PROGRAM. Mindy misinterprets a sign that invited them all to a kick-off “BASH,” which apparently is some crap acronym for beginning the program that no one but Mindy misunderstood, and she shows up in a rockin’ pink dress… commando, so she can’t sit down. There’s awkward tension– the director of the program, Dr. Rob Gurgler even calls her Medically Blonde.

After another run in with the Dr. Gurgler, where it’s clear they won’t get along on their own, Mindy blurts out that Danny is still in town and that they should get together. Dr. G consents to a double date with his wife and Dandy, and Mindy calls Danny, who is at the airport to return home, with an SOS.

Sadly, skipping his flight means that Danny has to miss a basketball game back in NYC that Morgan put together on a team called “Morgan’s Best Friends.” Tamra’s getting her flirt on with Morgan, but when she learns Morgan is dating someone new, she puts together her own team.

Called “Morgan’s Worst Nightmare.”

Tamra’s team is kick-ass. Morgan’s is less so, but after a talking to from Peter where he basically tells her to chill and be courteous to her ex, she lets Morgan take an awesome shot. As a consolation, while “Morgan’s Best Friends” are celebrating, Tamra gets asked out on a date from the guy who joined “Morgan’s Worst Nightmare.”

I will be curious to see if he winds up being “Morgan’s Worst Nightmare” in future episodes.

BACK TO DANDY NOW.

At the dinner, we learn that Dr. Gurgler’s marriage is not the happiest. But Dr. Gurgler does seem to be warming up to Mindy as Danny sings her praises. He even asks her to assist him in a procedure!

But as Dr. G warms up to Mindy, Mrs. Dr. G heats up… to Danny. Apparently, there’s nothing Mrs. Dr. G likes more than a man supporting his lady. And she shows her appreciation…

By giving him a footjob.

friends not for you btich

Danny thought this dinner gift was from Mindy, but when they are horrified to realize what’s happened, Mindy

  1. Forbids Danny from telling Dr. G
  2. Accuses him of not thinking she can do this program herself (I’ll be honest, I missed how this evolved from that)

Danny, in turn,

  1. Tells her that she doesn’t think she can do it herself
  2. Leaves

The next day, Mindy runs into Neepa, who is working at a fast-food restaurant. Neepa’s problem with Mindy is how easy everything is for her, whereas Neepa has to bust her ass for everything. Mindy responds by stealing ketchup and driving away.

  • Heinz? More like MINEZ.

She runs into Dr. Gurgler in the parking lot, and during the exchange, she blurts out what his wife has done. Dr. G has a little bit of a breakdown and pedals* away.**

*Oh right, his “car” is a bike.

**Into the path of a campus security car

Their initials are both RG and that can't be a coincidence.

Their initials are both RG and that can’t be a coincidence.

While stitching up RG, Mindy basically demands his respect. It’s granted– and it’s underscored when Dr. G realizes he has a procedure, and with his arm in a sling, he can hardly do it himself. He asks Mindy to do it for him, but she passes it on to Neepa. Because, Mindy says, “I didn’t earn it this week.”

And the victories keep on coming for Mindy, as she finds Danny waiting in her darkened bedroom.

  • Not as creepy as it sounds.
  • Seriously. He was cuddling Brown Bear.

He stayed in California because he was boarding the plane and thought that “If this thing goes down, [he] didn’t want [their] last conversation to be a fight.”

  • Danny, you’re the new romantics.

Obviously, they make up and Mindy realizes that she doesn’t need Danny there, but she wants him there.

  • D’awwww x 2

All Hail Queen Peggy (Agent Carter recap 1×01: “Now is Not the End”, 1×02: “Bridge and Tunnel”)

agentcarter

Of all the Marvel films, Captain America: The First Avenger is my favourite. As a standalone film, it’s really solid and it just has the best combo of characters, settings, plot, dialogue, eye candy, EVERYTHING. Included in that smorgasbord of awesome was Margaret Carter a.k.a. AGENT PEGGY CARTER. The boss queen, for realz. So you can only imagine how flipping excited I was when it was announced Peggy would be getting her own mini-series that took place after the events in the movie. The following post is not so much a recap, but more of an OMGGGGG THIS SHOW. Spoilers below, so be warned~

1×01: Now is Not the End

The first episode basically introduces Peggy post-WWII. The war is over, but the woes of life are far from gone. She has a job with the SSG (Strategic Scientific Reserve), but gets treated like a secretary by all of the men. Oh, plus she’s dealing with the fact that her dance partner stood her up due to IDK FALLING INTO A FROZEN SEA WHILE HE WAS SAVING THE WORLD. Well, at least she has a job, a really sweet wardrobe, and a really nice roommate, right? HAHA Hahaha…

Anyway, as an introductory episode, and as intro to the show in general, it was supremely swell! Right away you’re hit with a flashback of the saddest proportions—THAT FINAL EXCHANGE BETWEEN PEGGY AND STEVE. Then we’re treated to an update into Peggy’s life, and into what Howard Stark is up to, as well. I was screaaaming inside when the news headline about Stark flashed on the screen that read “Playboy. Philanthropist. …TRAITOR?” Dang, like on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., references to the Avengers are almost always really…weird? Too obvious, mayhaps? But this one was EXCELLENT. As were all of the flashbacks to the first Captain American movie. They were the saddest of the sad, but super effective. I also liked the old-timey vibe. Like for the first ten minutes, I felt like I was watching an episode of Call the Midwife which is sort of really great because yay, PEGging down the post-WWII era.

So the main premise of the show seems to be that Howard Stark is in trouble because his super secret stash of inventions has been stolen, and naturally, he asks Peggy to help him retrieve them. First up is a formula for this crazy chemical bomb that she tracks down at a classy party. The only problem is that the formula has actually taken a step to the next level is in the legit form of an actual bomb now. Peggy does her thang and is able to retrieve the device—SHE ATTACKS ONE OF THE BOUNCERS USING A STAPLER—and then she heads back to her apartment. While there, she’s attacked and sadly, her friend is killed. What! I thought it was pretty cool that Ashley Hinshaw was cast in the show because Chronicle is one of my fave movies and I haven’t seen her in anything but that… but then she was killed -_- Although there are still more stolen goods out there, now Peggy finds herself also trying to track down this third party (the second being the SSG who pretty much loathe Stark). Through a guy who can only speak by using a special throat thing device, she finds out that they work for someone (or something) called Leviathan. Sounds like quite the… roller coaster ride. (You will probably only get that last reference if you are from the GTA/Toronto area, lol.)

Right, so the SSG. In this ep, we also get an intro to the group of dudes she works with (or more like, works for, ughhh). As expected, there are plenty of sexist comments thrown Peggy’s way, but does she let them phase her? Nope. Among the blurry blob of boring guys is Chad Michael Murray (lolz) as Agent Thompson, Enver Gjokaj as Agent Sousa (yo, he was totally in The Avengers as a policeman. IDC because he’s a super good actor and I’ve missed him since Dollhouse. But you know, JUST SAYIN), and… two other guys who I don’t remember, but they’re super rude and disrespectful to Peggy.

AND ISN’T GREAT THAT SAVE ENVER GJOKAJ I DON’T REALLY CARE FOR ANY OF THEM? One of the things I really enjoyed about the show is how female-driven it is. Most of the male characters sort of meld into one general group of dudes who are agents or bad guys or miscellaneous d-bags or or nameless characters. But all of the females thus far are stand-outs. Even the girl who dies within the first episode and who spoke a total of ten sentences. LIKE SOMEONE WRITE COLLEEN O’BRIEN BACKSTORY FIC, yeah? And then there’s Angie, but I’ll get to her later. Anyway, it’s just so refreshing.

But maybe that’s a little too harsh on my fellow opposite gender, ahaha. I mean there are some interesting male characters with soooo much potential. As mentioned, there’s Agent Sousa (poor guy!). There’s also Jarvis (played by James D’Arcy) who okay, I don’t know if it’s just me, but he kinda looks like a more polished version of Benedict C? (Ew, why did that have to rhyme?) Anyway, Jarvis is Stark’s butler so he’s super handy at cooking and cooking and LINENS. He’s also a reliable chauffeur. With Stark off to retrieve his stolen goods across the sea, Jarvis is left to help out Peggy. And help her he does while being super entertaining although he doesn’t really mean to be. When Peggy is able to track down a whole other stash of the sparkly orange bombs in a milk truck, but forced to flee for her life when one of them goes off, who’s her ride? Mr. Jarvis. I sense the beginning of a beautiful duo right here.

The episode ends with Jarvis on the phone with his boss, telling Stark that he thinks Peggy would be a perfect choice. To be partner-in-fondue-dining? LOL maybe. But I’m thinking this probably has something to do with the birth of …S.H.I.E.L.D.

1×02: Bridge and Tunnel

Peggy continues her quest to find out more about who stole Stark’s stuff. She goes undercover as an inspection lady at the dairy farm, and there she finds out one of the trucks is missing. Meanwhile, one of the dudes from the throat scar/mute ppl gang is also tracking down the identity of the thief/thieves. Same deal for Agent CMM and his crew, but they’re having way less luck. Clearly, they don’t know what they are doing. Like, oooh a carrot and a stick. GOOD JOB, GUYS.

And now, a tribute must be paid to the wonderfully hilarious inclusion of the serialized radio program featuring a damsel-in-distress named “Betty Carver” who is being terrorized by the Nazis and needs Captain America to save her. LMAO, yeah, okay. Of course, Peggy is just completely over that shiz, and perhaps the greatest scene of this episode is when she tracks down the fella who was hired to drive the milk truck of bombs while said radio program is playing in the background. The juxtaposition of “Captain America” saving “Betty” while Peggy is literally kicking absolute ass? The best.

So eventually, Peggy and Jarvis learn that Leviathan is not a person, but A THING. Like an organization? An impending event? Well, with mute dude’s voice box device broken, he can’t answer any of Peggy’s questions. As he’s about to croak, he draws a symbol in the sand of what appears to be a squiggly line crossing through a heart. IS IT A SNAKE? I guess we will find out…

Now for some more thoughts, conclusions, and predictions/hopes: I’m super into the partnership vibes of Peggy and Jarvis. Like, you know some romance is gonna be thrown into the mix, but I’m glad that between these two, I get this real sense of friendship and reliability. Which is good. Another friendship I’m also really into? Peggy and Angie. I don’t know what Angie’s deal is, but okay I’m so hoping she either gets recruited by Peggy in some form (like randomly helping her on a mission or like legit is actually recruited into S.H.I.E.L.D.) or that she’s secretly already some sort of spy. Because okay, it’s Lyndsy Fonseca. You know that she can pull off the action and adventure stunt moves and all of the other stuff that goes along with espionage. It would be such a waste not to utilize that, so I’m really hoping Peggy and Angie team up for some ass-kicking soon.

In the end, I AM SO GLAD AGENT CARTER EXISTS AS A SHOW AND A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. It’s totally filling the void that Alias and Dollhouse left. It features a really great cast (I know I was harsh on some of the dudes, but okay I’m gonna admit CMM actually impressed me because he sounded legit), entertaining interactions, super spy intrigue, bad-ass Peggy fight scenes/one liners, and just the good ol’ Marvel movie feel. Like sure it’s not the most original stuff, but it’s super enjoyable nonetheless. I’m already so sad it’s only 8 episodes long, but let’s face it–the universe can’t even handle Queen Peggy, so we gotta take her presence in small fractions, y/y?

agentcarter2

Off on a Hero’s Journey (Galavant recap 1X01: “Pilot,” 1X02: “Joust Friends”)

galavant

In keeping with our sorta-kinda-but-not-really revamp of The Bevy Bibliotheque, I’m here to write a recap of ABC’s new musical comedy, Galavant.

Disclaimer: I have never written a recap before. Be gentle.

So, when I saw the teasers/trailers/commercials and what-have-you for Galavant, I knew I’d be watching it. I mean, musical medieval comedy? Those things practically mandate that I watch. But if I’m honest, I expected it to be AWFUL.

It is not. Galavant is GLORIOUS.

Episode 1: “Pilot”

We open on our majestic hero, the titular Galavant, racing on his noble steed across the land as a chorus bursts into song about his heroism, his dashing good looks, and his lady love, Madalena.

Two important things about this song:

  • It’s where I started to fall in love with this show, for self-aware lines in the song like “Yay! He rules in every way./A fairy tale cliche”
  • I desperately want to believe that they deliberately modeled the opening scene of Galavant after the opening scene of Once Upon A Time’s pilot

We’re musically told that evil King Richard kidnapped Madalena to make her his wife and Galavant is racing to save her. He storms the castle, defeats Richard’s men, and gives an epic speech about Madalena choosing him and their love.

…Only, oops. She’s “going to go with the fame and fortune.” She’s really sorry and hopes that they can still be friends.

LITERALLY. SHE LITERALLY SAID SHE HOPES THEY CAN STILL BE FRIENDS.

Oh, show… just take me. I’m yours.

  • Here’s our first commercial break and ABC, just MARRY ME ALREADY. All of their TV spots for their other shows are set to the tune of episode 1’s “Galavant” song.

Flash forward to one year later and Galavant is a DRUNKEN SLOB. He claims to have put on 20 pounds (yeah, okay, talk to me when your face rounds out, Sir Cheekbones). His squire, Sid, wakes him up and introduces Isabella, the princess of Valencia. She’s travelled far to meet Galavant, her parents have been killed, and she needs him to save her kingdom from evil despots. She’ll pay him with the priceless jewel of Valencia.

He’s not interested; assures her that he’s sure she’ll “land on her feet” and informs her that the “door’s on the wall.”

Drunken Slob Galavant is a jerk, but God, it’s hilarious.

As fate would have it, the evil despots in Isabella’s kingdom are King Richard and Madalena. I KNOW, I WAS SHOCKED TOO.

Queen Madalena reeeeeally wants that jewel though, and is putting the pressure on Richard to get it. She loudly informs him that her ex could have done this by now and she flounces off to bone the court jester after laughing uproariously at said jester’s knock-knock joke.

  • “Banana.” “Banana who?”
  • I can not be the only one super maturely snorting over that. BANANA. GET IT?!
  • Also… Important: Madalena is kind of awful. I love her.

And, super jealous of Galavant– one reason being that he’s boned Richard’s wife while that is a feat Richard still has not accomplished– Richard hatches a plot: He’ll let Isabella’s parents live. But, she has to go to Galavant and bring him to Valencia so that Richard can have him killed in front of Madalena. That’ll show her.

Once Isabella “lets slip” that Richard is the evil king in Valencia, Galavant’s interest is piqued and when she lies says that she heard Madalena crying over her bad decisions (Madalena would never),

he

is

so

in.

And, as the song (and by that I mean the ending song) goes…

“And so begins our plot, of which there’s quite a lot”

Episode 2: “Joust Friends”

As this episode begins, Galavant is being TORTURED.

…by his own subconscious. In a deliciously hilarious twist on the classic embarrassment dream, Galavant dreams that he’s defeated random bandits in a stunning display of swordsmanship and somehow saved Madalena. Only then King Richard shows up too, and they laaaaaugh at Gal. And Galavant realizes he is PANTSLESS.

Shockingly, I am FINE with this.

Anyway, he wakes up, reassures himself that his pants are on damn, and he, Sid, and Isabella, continue onward for Valencia, singing merrily about things like the hero’s journey and how awful Galavant’s smell and “little muffintop” are.

  • Oh and a delightful couple of moments where Galavant and Sid/Isabella disagree over how Madalena consciously chose to be the wrecking ball to Gal’s Miley Cyrus.
  • Oh AND a great moment when Isabella does that typical musical thing where she sings her guilty musings out loud and Galavant HEARS HER. “Wait, what was that?”
  • (This is that whole self-aware thing I’m loving.)

The theme of this episode seems to be, as Gal puts it (before whining “That was a long song”): “Holy ***, I’m out of shape.” He needs to stop for a break in front of a sign that helpfully points them to either (right) Winterfell, (left) Valencia, or (down) Hell. He wants to stay in a tavern, but they’ve got no money.

Kismet! There’s a joust going on and there’s a prize of 1000 shillings. They enter and by his legend alone, Galavant is pushed to the final round.

I seriously doubt Isabella would care much, except they ponied up the jewel of Valencia as collateral. In a montage, she trains Galavant back into fighting shape (was this in a day? I have no idea, but it seems like it and I love that).

  • Important: Galavant takes his shirt off and throws water over himself
  • Isabella utters an appreciative “Damn”
  • Me too, girl. Me too.

But Galavant is to fight the renowned Uncle Jesse Katsopolis  Lord John Stamos Sir Jean Hamm, who cracks a lot of “your mama” jokes. What horrible things might he say about Gal’s mother if he loses?! Thankfully, Isabella is determined that they not find out. She plies Jean Hamm with absinthe and when it’s time for the joust, he’s wretchedly sick… and Galavant’s muscles are too sore for him to move. Their horses walk towards each other, they both fall, and the ref (herald? IDK, Google if you care) says whoever gets to their feet first wins, and of course, that is Galavant.

While all of this has been going on, King Dick Richard, he of the evil child demeanor, has been undergoing some training of his own; he’s trying to man up in an effort to woo Madalena. They have dinner, bond a bit and even sing a sort of romantic realization dual ballad with Isabella and Galavant.

The chorus goes: “Maybe you’re not the worst thing ever.”

(I am working on my marriage vows to this show as we speak.)

But it’s not enough for Dick Richard to bone woo Madalena. She coldly informs him that he’s unlovable and he runs off, weeping.

What’s next for our fair heroes? Will Dick get a little less blue omg I’m sorry/not? Will they take a wrong turn and wind up at Winterfell? WILL GALAVANT TAKE HIS SHIRT AND PANTS OFF AT THE SAME TIME? 

We’ll all just have to wait until next week to see!